Hi Phillip. Never thought about your question. As we travel through life, there are obstacles we have to overcome. How we handle those obstacles depends on our strength and faith I keep telling myself I am better off than lots of other folks. My question to myself is ~ "knowing what I know now, would I do things differently?"

What a question! It definitely caught my attention, more like a slap than a handshake, making me wince. I have been through a mastectomy, chemotherapy, years of undiagnosed sleep apnea and Sjogren’s Syndrome, and now several years of CLL. I’m not jealous of other people in a straightforward way. But I do wonder why this is my journey through life. There are other hard things that have shaped my life in negative ways, that made my life harder than other lives appear to be.
But it’s a mirage to think someone else’s life, only seen from the outside, is without some form of pain. Maybe their pain is grief that never gets better, debilitating depression, estrangement from parents, siblings or children. There are so many invisible burdens that people carry - people in this community as well as people who are not.

Invariably, when I become close to another person I discover that person has burdens, some that I couldn’t carry.

I told a pastor friend of mine that I guessed God was using this to refine me. He replied that maybe God had given it to me because He trusts me with it. (The answer is waiting in Heaven.)

Fear not, be of good courage, God sees you and knows your struggles. Isaiah 53:4 “Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted.”

The longer I live, the more I accept my life as it is. Nobody gets out of this life without pain we often just can't see it. In addition I remind myself that just getting older has challenges of its own. I doubt I'll live as long as my parents but have outlived a sister.
The way things are going right now in America and its society, I often feel the next journey has to be better! Blessings to us all for being here for each other.

Yes I just Don't understand people who are even older than me are so healthy out of my mom's 8 kids my sister and I are no only ones who got CLL but lots of other Relatives down the line all got it..I am not jealous but I gave up the Life they are living.. cause I want to live a good Quality of life. I wouldn't wish this illness on anyone..But I do Wounder why other people have such a wonderful healthy life..

I'm not jealous, but I miss things: being able to meet my friends at a busy restaurant at will; friends who thought my disease impacted my ability to carry on a conversation about anything other than my disease; my newest lipstick unseen because I'm masked; a decent night sleep; that 50% of normality that I'm not anymore. I miss things, however, I rejoice in the clarity of what matters in life. Hugs, Michele