I know how you feel and am glad that you were able to vent and share those feelings. It is tough to lose the strength and stamina that you tried so hard to maintain. 7 years ago, at age 72, I was diagnosed with AML leukemia. I was a gym rat spending 2 hours 7 days a week at the gym. I did Pilates, yoga, and walking on treadmill for an hour at 4.0 MPH and slant from 5 to 10. It was a shock to have leukemia. However, because I was in such good shape I was able to have a BMT. After getting out of a 3-week hospital stay, I began to work on getting my strength and stamina back. I stayed at a hospital apartment for the first 2 months. I began gently walking and by the end of the 2 months I was able to walk six miles as long as I took rest stops and sips of water. Today, 4 months until my 80th birthday, I still do yoga and Pilates. I am back on the treadmill or walking daily. I am only at 3MPH and a slant of 2.5 on the treadmill. I know I will never get back to where I was, but I am grateful that I am alive and well. I wish you the best.

I totally agree with you Rob...I feel fine and then, boom. Overwhelming fatigue. I have several groups of friends that we meet up for brunch/lunch every month. I feel like I'm invisible, because they don't ask how I'm doing, because I look fine on the outside. Sometimes I feel like screaming..." I have cancer!!!!'
I always inquire about their health issues. Now I feel like a whiney baby telling all of you this. Sorry.
Hugs to all of you...thanks for letting me vent.💐

Hi Rob,
We share the same ocean just different hemispheres. I’m on Maui in Hawaii. I’ve just started thinking about of my fatigue as a Hawaiian Roller Coaster, waves breaking gently or sometimes dashing me into the sand. In the Pacific ring we understand from an early age (I grew up in California) the most dangerous element is the undertow. That’s what my worst days feel like. Dragging me down totally out of my control. I just have to relax, not fight, and swim parallel to the shore. It helps me to avoid all the “what if” situations.

Rob, I’m glad you are venting. This is a group that truly understands all the negatives of living with leukemia both pre and post treatment. We all miss our former selves, energy wise and appearance too. And I understand completely, not that my exercise level is the same as yours, but if I miss the gym for a couple of weeks I’m back to square one. I think we need to focus on what we can achieve and consider that a positive. Don’t ever give up. You are doing more than most of us!

I feel for you, I've had cll for 11 years, 7 on Calquence. Tired most of the time. Numbers are good but at 71 the fight is tough. Good luck to you, God Bless