How Good Boundaries Make Life With Leukemia Easier | MyLeukemiaTeam

Connect with others who understand.

sign up Log in
Resources
About MyLeukemiaTeam
Powered By

How Good Boundaries Make Life With Leukemia Easier

Posted on September 11, 2019

There is an old saying: “Good fences make good neighbors.” Having healthy boundaries in relationships is important for everyone, especially for people with a chronic condition like leukemia. Setting and defending boundaries allows you to protect your physical and mental health and focus on feeling your best while living with cancer.

Setting boundaries can be hard. Your friends and family may not be used to you saying no or establishing limits for when and how you are available to them. They may expect you to have the same energy you had before you developed leukemia and symptoms like pain, fatigue, and anxiety. No matter what, you are entitled to establish the boundaries you need to maintain your emotional and physical wellbeing. Setting boundaries to take care of yourself does not make you mean or selfish – it helps you focus on what you need to do to care for your leukemia.

Here are a few tips for setting boundaries clearly and compassionately:

  1. Use clear, direct language. For example, “I cannot attend the birthday party” is clearer and more direct than “I’m not sure I’ll be able to attend the birthday party.”
  2. Use “I” language and avoid accusations. For example, “I go to sleep early. I am not able to take calls after 9 p.m.” is less accusing than “You always call late and wake me up!”
  3. Don’t try to justify or over-explain your boundary. “No” is a complete sentence. For example, “I’m not able to take on new obligations right now,” is better than “I can’t drive carpool because having so many kids in the car stresses me out, and stress can cause my leukemia symptoms to worsen.”

After setting boundaries, do not be surprised if you need to defend them. Some people will likely test your boundaries, especially when they are new. Expect some pushback and consider what a good response might be.

Here are some examples of boundary testing and possible responses:

  1. After saying you cannot attend a party, someone attempts to use guilt to pressure you to go. You could explain that leukemia isn’t taking that day off, so you will still be unavailable. You could point out that leukemia feels bad enough without adding guilt, so you don’t feel guilty about saying no to things that will be bad for you.
  2. After setting a boundary of no phone calls after 9 p.m., someone calls at 9:15. You could choose to let the call go to voicemail. You could answer and ask whether the call is about an emergency. If it’s not an emergency, ask them to call back in the morning, wish them a good night, and hang up.
  3. After saying no to one new obligation, you are asked to take on another. You can point out that leukemia is a chronic illness, meaning that it isn’t going away any time soon. Therefore your avoidance of new obligations applies to any new obligations, and if they ask again, the answer will be the same.

After testing your boundaries a few times, most people will understand that they are well-defended and learn to respect them. If you have allies who understand the challenges of leukemia, ask them to help you defend your limits with others. Remember, you don’t need to apologize for setting good boundaries that help you stay healthy, manage your leukemia symptoms, and feel your best while living with cancer.

Have you successfully set boundaries that help you manage leukemia?
What tips would you recommend to help set healthy limits with others?
Share in the comments below or directly on MyLeukemiaTeam.

Posted on September 11, 2019
All updates must be accompanied by text or a picture.

Become a Subscriber

Get the latest articles about leukemia sent to your inbox.

Related Articles

For some people, COVID-19 feels like no more than a minor cold. Unfortunately, this is not typica...

Avoiding COVID-19 With Leukemia: New Advice From the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society

For some people, COVID-19 feels like no more than a minor cold. Unfortunately, this is not typica...
When living with a blood cancer like leukemia, you likely find yourself feeling fatigued, short ...

Blood Transfusions for Leukemia: 5 Things To Know

When living with a blood cancer like leukemia, you likely find yourself feeling fatigued, short ...
This is a short guided meditation by Dr. Christiane Wolf on self-kindness, which gives you more s...

Self-Kindness When Struggling: 6-Minute Guided Meditation

This is a short guided meditation by Dr. Christiane Wolf on self-kindness, which gives you more s...
Throughout your leukemia journey, there may be several reasons — from stressful to celebratory — ...

6 Things To Know About Alcohol and Leukemia

Throughout your leukemia journey, there may be several reasons — from stressful to celebratory — ...
You can take steps to stay healthy and feel your best while living with chronic lymphocytic leuk...

8 Ways To Live Better With CLL

You can take steps to stay healthy and feel your best while living with chronic lymphocytic leuk...
After being diagnosed with leukemia, many people worry about losing their hair. Treatments for le...

How To Cope With Hair Loss From Leukemia Treatment

After being diagnosed with leukemia, many people worry about losing their hair. Treatments for le...

Recent Articles

Welcome to MyLeukemiaTeam — the place to connect with others living with leukemia. This video wi...

Getting Started on MyLeukemiaTeam (VIDEO)

Welcome to MyLeukemiaTeam — the place to connect with others living with leukemia. This video wi...
Have you developed additional health issues after being diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia (AM...

Complications From Acute Myeloid Leukemia: 8 Things To Look For

Have you developed additional health issues after being diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia (AM...
In most people, chronic lymphocytic leukemia (CLL) is caused by spontaneous mutations (changes) t...

Is Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL) Hereditary?

In most people, chronic lymphocytic leukemia (CLL) is caused by spontaneous mutations (changes) t...
Learning about the different subtypes of chronic lymphocytic leukemia (CLL) and their varying out...

Types of Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL): B-Cell, T-Cell, and More

Learning about the different subtypes of chronic lymphocytic leukemia (CLL) and their varying out...
If you or a loved one has chronic lymphocytic leukemia (CLL) or another type of leukemia, you may...

What Are B Symptoms in CLL and Other Types of Leukemia?

If you or a loved one has chronic lymphocytic leukemia (CLL) or another type of leukemia, you may...
In welcome news to many who are immunocompromised, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) re...

Next COVID-19 Vaccine Booster Dose Approved

In welcome news to many who are immunocompromised, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) re...
MyLeukemiaTeam My leukemia Team

Thank you for subscribing!

Become a member to get even more:

sign up for free

close